The Shoe Horn’s top 5 signs your landlord is a murderer


Not a murderer: Chris Jefferies didn't murder anyone, but his eccentric lifestyle and appearance certainly had investigators fooled

With tragic recent events, tenants’ safety has never had such a large, unsettling question mark looming over it.

Renting has often been described as a “mug’s game”, but even if that is the way you choose to live your life, you’d better make sure you’re only throwing money at your landlord, and not your own blood and entrails in a futile last-ditch attempt to escape the ‘spacious double room’ you’re currently being massacred in.

So to protect our valuable and difficult to tap demographic, The Shoe Horn has scoured years worth of British news reports to identify the 5 key warning signs YOU need to be looking out for.

1. They live alone

People who live alone should generally be treated with caution. Living alone may be a sign of sociopathy or other personality disorders which may make living with other people difficult. It may mean this person has secrets or practices that an impartial flatmate or partner would find disturbing.

2. Eccentric appearance

Wild, unkept hair is a surefire sign something’s not quite right. When was the last time you went to a job interview with wild hair or a concealing beard? What is a landlord getting up to if they’re not in full-time employment? People like this choose to live on the fringes of society, and they choose it for a reason.

HH Holmes

Landlords from Hell: H. H. Holmes may have clocked up as many as 200 murders in his (at least honestly titled) 'Murder Castle'

3. Keeps cats

Cats are sinister, secretive animals and efficient killers. It’s no wonder then that a man who chooses to live outside the normal boundaries of society should find solace in these creatures. Note: owning multiple cats may be a sign of eccentricity.

4. Builds model airplanes

There’s something strange about people who collect or build things. It shows a man has too much time on his hands, and possibly needs something to distract from other thoughts or urges.

5. Former school headmaster or scout leader

It seems you can’t open a newspaper these days without reading about an atrocity carried out by a former headmaster or scout leader. These people are defined by their work – and that work is all about two things: fear and control. When was the last time you saw a headmaster or scout leader drinking at a sports bar?

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13 comments on The Shoe Horn’s top 5 signs your landlord is a murderer

  1. joey mayhem
    / Reply

    As a former freelance criminologist assisting such publications as The Telegraph, I can firmly attest to the accuracy of this piece

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  2. Keith from Aberdeen
    / Reply

    Unsettling, but cannot question the accuracy

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  3. Charlotte P
    / Reply

    Extremely high quality reporting. Will be seriously reconsidering my current tenant’s agreement. Thank you Shoe Horn!

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  4. Dave From Ipswich
    / Reply

    Oh no, I hit 4/5 of them already, i’m also a landlord

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  5. penny smith
    / Reply

    string him up!!!

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  6. / Reply

    Nice topic – respect !

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

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