Shops to be banned from selling giant artificial poppies together with lighter fluid

poppy burners

Fire hazard... watch those beards lads!

The long-running campaign to ban shopkeepers from selling giant artificial poppies together with lighter fluid was hailed a success today as the government announced that they were drawing up legislation to prevent the trade.

A small group of extremists sparked mass outrage in November with their burning of a giant artificial poppy in protest against a trade which they say puts growers of real giant poppies out of business.

Anjem Mandem, 24, representing the protesters, gave an official statement:

“The manufacture and importation of cheap artificial giant poppies from overseas is slowly putting British growers of organic giant poppies out of work. We are here to draw attention to this injustice and demand action from the government.”

The statement came under violent criticism from Home Secretary, Theresa May, who described it as “moronic,” and claimed to have no knowledge of the plight of legitimate giant popper growers.

Speaking to the BBC’s Hard Talk, she added: “To the best of my knowledge there’s no such thing as ‘giant organic poppies’. The man’s either very unwell or on drugs.”

joseph bigman

Joseph Bigman, inventor of the giant poppy

Anjem’s statement also came under attack from Gerald Purvis, owner of ‘Giant Poppies For Giant People’.

“We cater for enormously tall members of society who wish to show their remembrance of our fallen armed service personnel.

“Normal sized poppies are simply too small for them to wear, and often look comical. This is why our customers require artificial poppies of the larger variety. These protestors don’t seem to understand or care about this.”

Mr Purvis welcomed the new legislation and hoped it would prevent further burning of his poppies.

The legislation will introduce a maximum fine of £200 for any shopkeeper caught selling giant artificial poppies together with lighter fluid, and would prevent the sale of giant poppies to anyone under the age of 16 or with a funny sounding foreign name.

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2 comments on Shops to be banned from selling giant artificial poppies together with lighter fluid

  1. penny smith
    / Reply

    Good! these so-called poppies are a menace to OUR way of life.

    Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  2. Pingback: Artificial poppy | Moonshotvideo

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