Less than a week after Donald Trump’s quest to obtain Barack Obama’s birth certificate, Ian Hislop has announced he wants in on the action, and his beady eyes of suspicion seem to be directed firmly towards suspiciously ginger Royal, Prince Harry.
Harry’s ginger hair and pointy facial features have led many to believe he couldn’t possibly be the offspring of the Prince of Wales.
Over the years, suspected biological fathers have included James Hewitt, Chris Evans, and more recently, the late Robin Cook.
Speaking to The Shoe Horn on the eve of the Royal Wedding, Hislop made his intentions clear:
‘It’s time the truth was out and the culprit uncovered. Harry might have dodged bullets in Afghanistan but he’s not going to dodge this Basilisk. It’s signed, sealed and it’s heading straight for his barracks!’
He continued: ‘Tomorrow, I will deliver a letter sealed with Lord Justice John Vickers’ approval, which commands Harry relinquish his DNA for testing.
‘Should he fail to comply, his DNA may be taken by force, with the assistance of the Welsh Guards.’
This isn’t the first time Hislop had tried to out Harry’s biological father, as he revealed in a BBC interview in 2010:
‘A lock of Harry’s hair or some mucous would be the most logical way to get his DNA. So we had staff attempting to befriend his tailor. However that mission was a complete shuttle disaster.’
Harry’s former tailor, Robert Skilling, recalls:
‘Well I was just minding my own business walking home one evening, when a vehicle screeched to a halt beside me. A shadowy figure then whispered to me from the back seat “Harry’s hair, Harry’s hair”. I was left reeling from this as I wondered what could possibly have happened to Prince William for him to lose his place to the throne to Harry.’
Only later did Robert find out that this muggled communication was actually an order for him to obtain Harry’s hair, and not that Prince William had lost his place in the line of succession.
Unfortunately for Hislop, this was just first in a series of poorly executed plans which failed to deliver any answers.
Indeed, if the inquiry does go ahead, then questions may need to be asked over whether an exhumation of Robin Cook is justified.
Feeling he’s learnt from earlier mistakes, and inspired by Trump’s animal-like persistence, Hislop is intent on seeing this matter through to the end – no matter what that involves.